When I was 8 years old my family (all 5 of us kids) packed up our station wagon and left our large home in New Hampshire. At the time I didn't understand why we had to leave all our friends and our family (most of my family is still located there). My parents sold everything -- including their $250,000 home and came to Missouri with a sack full of cash.
I didn't know it at the time, but my mom, who is a compulsive gambler, had borrowed thousands of dollars from her sisters and didn't pay them back so she ran from them by moving to Missouri.
We paid cash for our modest home in Carthage and bought everything -- including another vehicle with cash. It seemed like the high life. My dad settled into two jobs (again) and my mom stayed hom with us kids.
It took two years before the government caught on and we found out that the little law called "capital gains" would take everything -- home, cars, furniture, and just about everything. Pretty soon we were moving into the smallest home I've ever lived in -- a trailer home in a modest mobile park just outside of town. I remember thinking that we were now officially poor.
Since then my family has never recovered. As my siblings got older the legacy of the poor working class has continued.
I always prided myself on being the hard worker and not following in my family's footsteps, but looking back I realized I have set myself exactly like how they were. At 21 I bought my own house and worked two jobs, but I never really thought about preparing/investing in my future for providing for a family. I only thought about myself. When I met my wife she was in nursing school and her only ambition was money. Her mom told her "don't rely on anyone else but yourself." It was a great sentiment because she finished school and now we are living off of her income. Sadly enough I look back and this year marks my 10 year reunion. I tell my wife...what have I truly accomplished in the 10 years that I've been out of school? I don't have a degree or a career. I make no money. I stay home with my daughter while my wife leaves for work at 6:15 every morning. As a man there is no pride that exists in my being. I know that really I've accomplished nothing for myself or for my family.
However, there is nothing that I would change with my relationship with my wife and my daughter was the biggest blessing that we could've ever asked for. As far as love, I've accomplished more than I thought possible.
I am determined to finish my degree so one day I can say I have a "career" and then maybe I will be able to provide enough for my family. After that my life will be accomplished -- a loving family and a career.
I DO NOT plan on passing the legacy of my family onto my children or continuing it with myself.
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Although you do not have a career, you are in school and working towards that, so that's 100% better than laying around at home with no job, no school, and making your wife work. When I graduate, I will have the only income in my house because my husband is going to go to law school, he feels the same way for his 10 year class reunion, but you have to remember that it's not what others think of you, its what your family thinks of you. At least you don't have a gambling problem like your mother did.
ReplyDeleteConsider yourself lucky to have a beautiful, loving family. That is something that a lot of people with a great career and lots of money don't seem to find the time for. What's a lot of money if you have no one to share it with?
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